Regrettably, Miami Beach’s most celebrated Chinese restaurants are profoundly foolish. Not amusingly so, but with such absurdity that you’ll contemplate fleeing to the Everglades to subsist on sawgrass. Worse yet, these establishments typically demand wallet-emptying sums that could fund a small mangrove restoration project.
Hakkasan Miami
$$$$ | (305) 538-2000 | WEBSITE
Though it only arrived at the Fontainebleau a few years back, Hakkasan Miami feels like a high-end Cantonese spot from another time. It’s all sleek surfaces, exotic ambiance, and guests who use the word ‘vibrant’ in a restaurant review. For one meal or maybe even one evening, it can be wonderful. Chic, certainly? But once your innovative cocktails fade, it will dawn on you. The crab corn soup at $28. The Peking duck with that caviar pairing. The s’mores fondant by the pastry team.
The sophistication. The expense.
Mike’s China Beach Chinese Restaurant
$ | (305) 674-7001 | WEBSITE
The most famous thing about Mike’s China Beach Chinese Restaurant is their egg rolls. That should really tell you all you need to know. This isn’t so much a restaurant as it is a portion playground for anyone happy spending twenty dollars to eat fried rice once they get home. The less said about the online ordering, the better.
Mr. Chow
$$$$ | (305) 695-1695 | WEBSITE
What more could you want from a restaurant than attentive waitstaff like Carlos and Maya? Well. Actually, a lot. Namely vegetarian options that aren’t so limited, desserts that aren’t just complimentary attempts to make up for it, and a desperate hope that built into the price of your substantial bill is some form of therapy that helps you to look at the high prices again without whispering ‘please, please not just average food quality, anything but that’.
China Moon
$ | (305) 532-8758 | WEBSITE
Instead of the usual takeout spots, go to: China Moon (a Miami Beach Chinese restaurant made for feeling really, genuinely satisfied); or, just keep ordering from there (a reliably welcoming place that will make you feel like a regular).
Salon Canton Miami Beach
$$ | (786) 717-7077 | WEBSITE
Instead of the usual Chinese spots, go to Salon Canton Miami Beach (a vibrant Miami Beach standout, complete with warm lighting and lots of orange chicken); or, for those seeking exceptional Cantonese flavors, it’s the perfect choice for an enjoyable dinner, complete with welcoming atmosphere.
The Rogue Panda
$ | (305) 504-5191 | WEBSITE
Instead of the usual Chinese spots, head to: The Rogue Panda (in Time Out Market Brooklyn, entirely vegan, and infinitely more flavorful); or, the bustling market itself (a lively, kid-friendly space with wonderful views).
Beijing Cafe
$ | (305) 866-2855 | WEBSITE
Instead of the usual burger joints, go to: Beijing Cafe (a cozy Chinese haven with quick delivery that arrives steaming hot within 30 minutes); or, for dine-in, enjoy the diverse regional menu in a family-friendly atmosphere that’s wheelchair accessible too.
